May 2003 Archives

The Telegraph finds ancient, well-preserved dick

Reports it as news.

Step 1: Read the Telegraph (via Joe in Vermont,on the Dean Blog).

Step 2: Make cheap joke about someone you don't like. Tip: make sure the butt of this joke is old.

Is Tony Blair a liar on WMD?

At the very least a hostage to fortune.

Robin Cook claims that

Blair privately admitted that Saddam Hussein had no weapons posing a "real and present danger"

From a Downing Street spokesman today:

A spokesman said: "The idea that the prime minister ever said that Saddam Hussein didn't have weapons of mass destruction is absurd.

"His views have been consistent throughout, both publicly and privately, as his Cabinet colleagues know.

"Robin Cook's views are well known and have been expressed many times before."

I will merely point out that the Downing Street statement does not actually deny Robin Cook's statement.


American / Mexican, this time

I'm watching the first Democratic debate, and I've just seen, as befits a New Mexico debate, there are a number of statements that are said in English then in Spanish.

For all the reasonableness and worthiness of the sentiment, it just reminds me of the Eurovision Song Contents.

(Edit): The live feed's cameraman is bored, and keeps on panning around looking at the audience. Unfortunately, the audience is the press, as the live feed's cameraman is sitting in the press section looking at a back-projected screen. The press are always blasé and noncommittal. Don't look at them for audience reaction.

Don't like oysters? Try the vegetarian kind

Made from seaweed - albeit not very well at the moment.

What's a company supposed to do when they can't entirely make their salmon-farming setup 100% sustainable? For Loch Duart, the answer is to farm seaweed to replace valuable nutrients in the loch - and then to market seaweed byproducts as, er, vegetarian oysters.

No idea yet whether the vegetarian variety will have the same aphrodisiac qualities as its natural version allegedly possesses, and they're being very quiet for the moment on what they'll use for a shell. Hell, they're not even that good at growing the original seaweed yet, let alone turning it into a shellfish replica. Still, it looks more likely to succeed than the guy who decided to grow oysters with built in ring pulls - to avoid the countless injuries caused by mishaps with oyster-opening knives - and to make back the additional cost by selling advertising on them. "It will make for a fun kids' snack as well", I seem to remember him saying at the time. (This was about 15 years ago, so I don't expect to find a better account online - sorry.)

The man hasn't lost his touch

Unless, of course, the rest of the song is absolute garbage.

There's a new Sting album out next month - for perhaps far more details than you wanted to know, see what StingUs has to say on the subject. There's also a medley of snippets from the album going round the file-sharing networks at the moment (do a search for any of the tracks from the new album), of which perhaps my favourite part is the chorus from Stolen Car (21 second MP3, 500K). Wonderful tune and chords, loads of intricate guitar and drum lines in the background, I love it.

Jonah Falcon is mind-bogglingly well-endowed

"When erect, Falcon's penis generates enough heat to warm hands -- campfire style -- from a distance of six inches."

9.5 inches flaccid, 13.5 inches erect; you can find out more in this Rolling Stone article (via Popbitch). Their see it for yourself link has been bandwidth-raped, but might be back in a while.

Quote sheet

Brian makes a special guest appearance. He's a doctor, you know.

I've updated our flat's quote sheet. Every flat should have one.

The "previous jobs" section was the dead giveaway

"President of the United States" - yes, Bill Clinton is being called up for jury duty

Dushon Foster lives in the Bronx and is a member of the Bloods. He is accused of murdering a fellow gang member to improve his station in the gang, and his case is currently in the jury pre-selection stage. Prosecution and defence are currently going through 150 questionnaires filled out by prospective jurors, and attention has focused on juror 142.

Most of his responses are uneventful, in fact would tend towards him being selected as a juror; he is willing to serve, has the spare time, and is not connected with the case. The main problem lies in his answer to the "Previous jobs" section. "President of the United States."

Yes, Bill Clinton is being called up for jury duty (New York Times, via JWZ), and while they appreciate the offer, the prosecution would rather not have the publicity, not to mention Clinton's previous involvements with the law (most recently his pardon of Marc Rich shortly before leaving office).

Pity. And I bet Clinton must have enjoyed filling in the questionnaire. I mean, in his position, how often does he get to fill in one of those legal questionnaires and proudly write "I used to be President, you know"?

Dead Ringers upstaged

Dead Ringers, the Radio 4 series and now, I understand, the BBC TV series, are an impressions show, and they...

Dead Ringers, the Radio 4 series and now, I understand, the BBC TV series, are an impressions show, and they regularly have someone posing as Tom Baker, in his guise of the 4th Doctor Who, phoning up people (like travel agents and things).

They recently phoned up Tom Baker himself (this link via Neil Gaiman, who should hurry up an get an RSS feed so I can read his journal in comfort).

I feel Tom Baker was somehow expecting this for some time - and it showed.