Why the Pope opposes condoms: Because he’s a vicious nazi God-botherer who doesn’t want anyone to have fun.
Prince William says how he hopes to follow in his mother’s footsteps: “One day I hope I can die in a car crash.”
In the late 90s we were regulars at the comedy night at the QM Union, which was part of (I think) the Newcastle Brown Ale comedy circuit. I remember in particular one night where the penultimate guy on the bill died really, really horribly, finished his set early, and to fill the gap, one of the guys in the audience got up and did a 5 minute stand-up. The headliner came on and muttered words to the effect of “My, you’re a tough crowd. In case you don’t like one of the comedians you bring your own.”
So Diana had just died, and this guy came on after having just done other student unions up and down the land, and started saying stuff about how terrible it was that Diana had died, and how bad we all felt, and she was the People’s Princess etc. etc. And he noticed he wasn’t getting any laughs. “Ah, I forgot, you’re Scottish, aren’t you? You don’t give a fuck.”